Hey Granger
by missmandymalfoy
Summary: It all started with two simple words. Hermione's and Draco's notes they pass to each other when they are seated next to each other in Potions, crack fic...because we all know Snape intends to stir up trouble.
1. Chapter 1

**Something I made because I was bored!**

**in case you can't tell **

**Draco is bold writing**

* * *

In the Potions classroom….

Snape was at it again. He wanted complete hell, as usual. So, why not mix things up a bit and throw Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy together as potions partners? We can already see trouble stirring…

**Hey Granger**_. _

_Malfoy, why are you talking to me_?

**I'm bored**

_Then pay attention _

**And you think that would make me unbored? **

_That's not a word_

**What isn't a word?**

_What you just said_

**Say it**

_No_

**Why not**?

_Why should I_?

**Why should you** **not?**

_Ughhhh go away Malfoy. I'm mentally frowning at you right now. _

**The more she glares the more she cares**

_Shut up, you are sooooo cocky. Just go away_

**Okay**

_Where are you going? You can't walk out in the middle of a class!_

**You just told me to**

_I did not_

**Uhhh yes you did**

_No I….why are you so literal?_

**I'm not. You're just no fun**

_I'm plenty fun_

**Noooo**

_Yes I am!_

**Prove it**

_Okay um…_

**Ha I told you**

_How do I prove it?_

**I dunno you're the one proving it, not me.**

_But I can't think of a way to prove it _

**Not my problem**

_Ughh go back to paying attention to Snape. I'm sure what he is saying is important _

**Ha that's a joke **

_What is? _

**What Snape says is never important**

_Well whether or not he has mercy on us if we get caught passing notes in class is _

**Now that's important**

5 mintues later...

**What are we learning, anyways?**

_Sod off Malfoy and listen_

**This crap doesn't make any sense. What are we listening to?**

_Shut up_

**You're avoiding the question**

_No I'm not_

**You sooo are**

_I'm not_

**Then what are we learning?**

_Er…..I don't know_

**HA! See? I win!**

_This isn't a game, Malfoy_

**Life's a beach and I'm just playing in the sand**

_What the heck?_

**Ugh, nevermind**

_Fine_

**Fine**

Another five mintues later...

**Grannnngeerrrr I'm still bored**

_Sod off Malfoy_

**Why**

_Because_

**Because why**

_Just because_

**Ughh you really are no fun. Do you know that?**

_Yes you said that… 3 times already. 4 now_

**Did you really just go up to the top of the page to count how many time I said that?**

_Yes_

**Wow….you know we could do something to make this class fun.**

_Ha now that's a joke. When is Snape's class ever fun?_

**I didn't say it was fun, I said we could make it fun**

_How so_

**I could kiss you**

_What? Ewww_

**That's not what you said last night**

_Why on earth would I kiss you_

**You would enjoy it**

_I wouldn't_

**You would**

_No I wouldn't._

**But that's not what happened last night**

_I don't want to kiss your soft lips Malfoy_

…**.Who ever said my lips were soft?**

…_._

**Oh my merlin, you take advantage of me in my sleep! **

_What? No!_

**That's bloody illegal and disgusting Granger!**

_Ughh I'll just stop talking now_

**Good, less talking more snogging**

_Nooo_

**Why not**

_Because_

**Because why**

_Because….in front of everyone?_

**Yes**

_Why?_

**Because**

_Ughh don't imitate me_

**Whoever said I was imitating you?**

_Me_

**Oh yeah…well, I'm going to kiss you**

_No you're not_

**You don't control me**

_Oh but I can_

**Now **_**that**_** is what you said last night**

_Ughhhhhh _

**It was more of a moan**

_Oh Merlin!_

**Did you know your eyes look amazing?**

_Uhh…._

**I know I'm charming**

_Seeing your back would be pretty charming_

**I like them feisty**

_You like them no matter what_

**Ewww, not true**

_So true and you know it_

**Jealous are we?**

_NO!_

**Always quick are the guilty. And besides, it wasn't really a question. More of a statement**

_If it wasn't a question then why'd you put a question mark on the end of it?_

**I dunno.**

_Well then…I'm not jealous. You would do anything to get a girl in bed. _

**Ahhh, not just any girl, preferably **_**you**_

_Ew_

**Hey! I know how to please a woman!**

_Good! Then please get away from me_

**I would go to the end of the world for you**

_But would you stay there?_

**Always**

_Awww that's adorable. Does everyone know you're going soft?_

**I'm not going soft!**

_Then stop with the cheesy pick-up lines_

**Well, what do you say? Meet me in the broom closet after dinner?**

_ It depends. I don't want to see you kissing a broom._

** I take that as a no then :( **

_ No shit Sherlock!_

** Well, it's elementary my dear Watson**

_ You make it look difficult, Malfoy. Now stop talking, Snape's turning his greasy head towards us_

** I'm not talking, I'm writing **

_ Again, stop being so literal!_

** Okay. I'm gonna do it**

_Do what?_

**Kiss you.**

_No you're not._

**I will.**

_No. _

**I'm going to do it in 5…..**

_No you're not_

**4….**

_Wait_

**3….**

_Oh merlin you're serious aren't you?_

**2….. **

_Snape, he's stalking over!_

**1…**

…_Snape!_

"Passing notes in class, Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy?" Snapes cold voice cut through the air. Everyone turned to look at the duo. "I must say, I expected more from you," Hermione bowed her head in shame, while Draco nearly raised an eyebrow. Snape reached out a spidery hand.

"Give them here," he snapped, clicking his fingers, once, twice. Hermione was about to reach up to hand over their conversation, but Draco shoved his actual Potions notes in Snape's face instead. Snape gave them one glance and threw them back on the desk.

"The one's you were passing, Mister Malfoy,"

Draco scowled and Hermione reluctantly handed over the note sheet. Snape quickly swept his black cape like a bat to the front of the room and stood before the class.

"Good news for the two of you. You won't be getting a detention," Snape smirked. Draco and Hermione exchanged looks of surprise, which turned to horror and the Potions professor continued his sentence. "How about we read these aloud, shall we?" his smirk was now as wide as London Bridge.

"No!" Hermione and Draco cried just and the class cheered in encouragement.

"Oh help me," Draco shrunk in his seat.

"Prepare for public humiliation in 3, 2, 1, blast off!" Hermione said sarcastically. Sneering at the two horrified students, Snape began to read.

"**Hey Granger**_. Malfoy, why are you talking to me_?"

"Why is he talking to her?" someone asked.

"**I'm bored," **

"I don't blame him," Harry muttered, earning a death glare from Snape. Harry gulped nervously.

"_Then pay attention" _

"Oh for Pete's sake Granger, don't you ever stop obeying the rules?" a Ravenclaw girl sighed.

"Who's Pete?" someone asked.

"Oh never mind," the girl face palmed.

"**And you think that would make me unbored? **_That's not a word,"_

"She's right, it isn't!" Dean Thomas said smartly.

"Yes it is," Blaise Zabini from Slytherin argued back.

"**What isn't a word?** _What you just said_ **Say it** _No_ **Why not**? _Why should I_? **Why should you** **not?"**

"You can practically see the sexual tension!" someone shouted. The class cheered in agreement, and Hermione shrunk in her chair.

"Hermione and Malfoy don't have any sexual tension!" Ron screamed, his face red.

"Someone's jealous,"

"I am not!"

The class decided to leave Ron alone.

"_Ughhhh go away Malfoy. I'm mentally frowning at you right now. _**The more she glares the more she cares**_ Shut up, you are sooooo cocky,"_

"Fiesty, Granger," Zabini winked.

"Shhh! Get back to reading!" someone said, and Snape cleared his throat and carried on.

"_Ew. Just go away _**Okay**_ Where are you going? You can't walk out in the middle of a class! _**You just told me to,"**

"They are sooo cute together!" a Hufflepuff cooed.

"NO THEY ARE NOT!" an angry Ron shouted.

"_I did not _**Uhhh yes you did**_ No I….why are you so literal? _**I'm not. You're just no fun**_ I'm plenty fun _**Noooo**,"

"Hermione isn't any fun, he's right," Lavender Brown stated. Hermione growled.

"_Yes I am! _**Prove it**_ Okay um…_**Ha I told you **_How do I prove it? _**I dunno you're the one proving it, not me.**_ But I can't think of a way to prove it _**Not my problem**_ Ughh go back to paying attention to Snape. I'm sure what he is saying is important _**Ha that's a joke" **

Snape looked up at this, frowning at Draco who gave him a nervous wave.

"_What is? _**What Snape says is never important**,"

"HE'S RIGHT! SNAPE, YOU OLD BAT!" many voices chorused.

"_Well whether or not he has mercy on us if we get caught passing notes in class is _**Now that's important,"**

Many people paled at the thought of an angry Snape.

"**What are we learning, anyways?" **

"That's actually a valid point, Malfoy," Harry said thoughtfully.

"_Sod off Malfoy and listen _**This crap doesn't make any sense. What are we listening to? **_Shut up _**You're avoiding the question**_ No I'm not _**You sooo are**_ I'm not _**Then what are we learning?**_ Er…..I don't know _**HA! See? I win!**_ This isn't a game, Malfoy _**Life's a beach and I'm just playing in the sand**_ What the heck? _**Ugh, nevermind**_ Fine _**Fine."**

"I can't get over how romantic this is," a hufflepuff crooned, and Snape nodded in agreement.

"**Grannnngeerrrr I'm still bored **_Sod off Malfoy_** Why **_Because_** Because why **_Just because _**Ughh you really are no fun. Do you know that? **_Yes you said that… 3 times already. 4 now _**Did you really just go up to the top of the page to count how many time I said that?"**

"Wow Granger," a slytherin laughed and Hermione glared.

"_Yes _**Wow….you know we could do something to make this class fun.**_ Ha now that's a joke. When is Snape's class ever fun? _**I didn't say it was fun, I said we could make it fun**_ How so _**I could kiss you,"**

"BLOODY HELL!"

"DON'T DO IT HERMIONE!"

"SHHHH!"

"_What? Ewww O_o _**That's not what you said last night**_ Why on earth would I kiss you _**You would enjoy it**_ I wouldn't _**You would**_ No I wouldn't."_

"Why is Malfoy so determined that she will like it?"

"**But that's not what happened last night,"**

"Okay, what the hell happened last night?"

"Hey Harry, now that I think of it I don't recall seeing Hermione in the common room for a while…"

"_I don't want to kiss your soft lips Malfoy _**….Who ever said my lips were soft?**…."

"!"

"WHAT THE HELL HERMIONE?"

**Oh my merlin, you take advantage of me in my sleep! **

_What? No!_

**That's bloody illegal and disgusting Granger!**

_Ughh I'll just stop talking now_

**Good, less talking more snogging,"**

"The tension begins to build, as they lean in and-"

"Don't you dare start narrating this,"

"SHHH!"

"_Nooo _**Why not**_ Because _**Because why**_ Because….in front of everyone? _**Yes**_ Why_?**Because**_ Ughh don't imitate me _**Whoever said I was imitating you?**_ Me _**Oh yeah…well, I'm going to kiss you. **_No you're not _**You don't control me**_ Oh but I can _**Now **_**that**_** is what you said last night," **

"Okay, what serious fucking went on last night?"

"Forbidden love!" Harry swooned.

"_Ughhhhhh _**It was more of a moan**_ Oh Merlin! _**Did you know your eyes look amazing?**_ Uhh…._**I know I'm charming **_Seeing your back would be pretty charming _**I like them feisty **_You like them no matter what _**Ewww, not true**_ So true and you know it," _

"Do I smell jealousy?"

"HOLY COW!"

"Holy cow? No one says that anymore!"

"Keep reading, I wanna know what happens!"

"It's heating up in here!"

Snape greedily gripped the page, his beady eyes scanning it hungrily.

"**Jealous are we? **_NO_!** Always quick are the guilty. And besides, it wasn't really a question. More of a statement," **

"I can practically feel the sexual tension,"

"No shit Sherlock!"

"Shhh! This is getting good!"

"_If it wasn't a question then why'd you put a question mark on the end of it?" _

Snape looked up. "And Draco's the literal one?" He sighed before returning to reading.

"**I dunno. **_Well then…I'm not jealous. You would do anything to get a girl in bed. _** Ahhh, not just any girl, preferably **_**you,"**_

"WOAH!"

"OH MERLIN! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

"_Ew _**Hey! I know how to please a woman!**_ Good! Then please get away from me,"_

"You go girl!"

"This is better than the glee episode that aired last night!"

"Keep reading!"

"WAIT! I have to tweet this!"

"**I would go to the end of the world for you **_But would you stay there?_** Always," **

"AWWWWWW!" everyone, save Ron yet including Snape cried.

"They need a couple name!"

"How about Dramione?"

"No, that sucks!"

"It's perfect! They're perfect!

"I sense an FB moment!

"_Awww that's adorable. Does everyone know you're going soft? _**I'm not going soft!**_ Then stop with the cheesy pick-up lines," _

"I think they are a nice touch…"

"Hermione! Don't be fooled by his charm! Come back here and stay safe! There's a free seat next to me baby!" a boy from Hufflepuff shouted, shoving his friend next to him out of his seat.

"OW! I HIT MY FUNNY BONE!"

"We should have popcorn!"

"Agreed,"

"Wait, I have some! I carry it around in my bag all the time!"

"…Dude, who does that?"

"ME obviously!"

"…."

"Popcorn for all!"

"On with the story!"

"**Well, what do you say? Meet me in the broom closet after dinner? **_It depends. I don't want to see you kissing a broom,"_

"YAY HERMIONE!"

** "I take that as a no then :( **_No shit Sherlock!"_

"HEY, YOU STOLE MY LINE!"

** "Well, it's elementary my dear Watson**_ You make it look difficult, Malfoy. Now stop talking, Snape's turning his greasy" _Snape mumbled something about using shampoo_ "head towards us_** I'm not talking, I'm writing," **

"BURN SIZZLE!"

_ "Again, stop being so literal! _**Okay. I'm gonna do it**_ Do what? _**Kiss you," **

"She's gonna kiss him back!

A total of five kids fainted.

"SHHHH LETS GET BACK TO THE STORY! I CAN'T STAND THE SUSPENSE ANY LONGER!" Snape stomped his foot like a child.

"_No you're not. _**I will.**_ No. _**I'm going to do it in 5…..**_No you're not _**4….**

"THE SUSPENSE! ITS AGONIZING!"

"_Wait _**3…."**

"HE'S REALLY GOING TO KISS HER!"

"_Oh merlin you're serious aren't you? _**2….. **_Snape, he's stalking over!"_

Snape looked up sharply from his reading. "I don't_ stalk,"_

"Read!" many people were on the brink of pulling out their hair.

"**1…"**

"TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER!" Pansy Parkinson shrieked.

"…_Snape!"_

There was a pause in the classroom before everyone exploded.

"SNAPE! YOU FAT OLD MAN!

"YOU BAT YOU RUINED IT!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"I'M GOING TO BITE OFF EACH INDIVIDUAL TOE!"

"There is always next class!" Snape raced out of the room before he could be murdered by any of his students. The rest of the class chased out after him, leaving Draco and Hermione alone at their desk. Draco turned to Hermione.

"So about that kiss…"


	2. Chapter 2

Key**: Draco**, _Hermione_

_Disclaimer: i don't own HP_

_warnings: swearing, some sexual references_

* * *

The students of Hogwarts once again find themselves trapped in the gloomy dungeons, listening to the sound Severus Snape drown on about whatever potion he found fascinating. Hmm, but what's that? The scratching of quills on paper? And it's coming from our favorite Potions duo, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy! We better go check out this, hmm?

**Hey Granger**

_Ugh, don't talk to me_

**Why not?**

_Remember what happened last time?_

**You're still not mad about that, are you?**

_Humph_

**I take that as a yes. But you are very cute when you're mad**

…_sod off…._

**I don't think I will**

_Go away_

**Again, you don't control me**

_Whatever_

**Oh, Granger's got some attitude**

_Ugh, Malfoy_

**Don't 'ugh' me**

_I can do whatever I want to do, or say. Freedom of Speech and all._

**Yeah, but you can't ugh me, I'm a Malfoy!**

_You're a Malfoy my arse, Malfoy_

…**.wow**

_Wow what?_

**Well, two things…**

_And that would be?_

**Congratu-fucking-lations Granger, you know how to swear**

_And?_

**You contradicted yourself right there**

_When?_

**You said "You're a Malfoy my arse, Malfoy" see?**

_Oh…I see_

**Ha! So I'm right**

_Sod off_

**Don't tell **_**me**_** to sod off**

_Ha! Oh yeah? Well SOD OFF_

**I invented sod off, Granger**

_Ugh, just pay attention to the lesson_

**But it's boring**

_Ugh_

**You find it intriguing, no?**

_Ughhhh_

**Would you stop saying that? **

_Ugh, shut up Malfoy_

**Technically, I'm not talking, I'm writing**

_Same difference really_

**Uh, no, big difference actually**

_Um, not really_

**Uh, yeah really**

_UGHH_!

**So your vocabulary is not as extended as I once thought. In fact, it is quite limited.**

**Ow! What was that for? **

**Don't glare at me like that….**

**Ah, come on, Granger**

_Does it look like I want to talk to you right now?_

**Well, no, not really**

_No shit Sherlock_

**Remember your place Watson**

_Ouch_

**Granger…**

_What do you want, Malfoy?_

**Well, a new broomstick would be nice, and to not have to go to this class, but since that seems inevitable, I might just need some earplugs…**

_Ughhh_

**And I want to snog you senseless right now**

…_..Well why didn't you say so? _

**I did**

_I mean right away_

**Impatient are we?**

…_.yes_

**I knew that you loved me**

_Excuse me?_

**You heard me**

_I thought you were the one who pointed out that we were writing, not speaking, so technically, I didn't hear you, I saw what you wrote on the parchment_

…**Why do you have to be so literal?**

_I'm not literal_

**Yes you are**

_Am not_

**I think it's kind of cute**

_..…well then in that case-_

…

_How can I love you when I don't even know you?_

**I know you**

_How can you be so sure?_

**I'm sure**

_Well then, Mr. Know it All, what do you know about me?_

**17) You have compassion for everyone around you**

**16) You are selfless**

**15) You have integrity**

**14) You are strong**

**13) You think you're ugly, but in reality, all the guys are falling all over you**

**12) You always bite your lip whenever you're really focused on something**

**11) When you laugh your eyes light up and you get that cute dimple on your left cheek **

**10) You always seem to be understanding with me in the end even when I don't deserve it**

**9) How you can make me laugh even though you just insulted me**

**8) When you get angry you scrunch your eyebrows together**

**6) You are always 100% honest no matter what**

**5) You can't stand to see people hurting **

**4) The fact that you refuse to ever see the worst in anybody **

**3) You were so busy thinking about what I just wrote that you didn't notice there wasn't a number seven on my list**

**2) You just went back up to the top to check to see if there really wasn't a number 7**

**1) Right about now, you're laughing at yourself **

…

**Sorry, that was probably a bit overwhelming**

_That was really sweet_

…**..er, thanks….**

_No, really._

**You're welcome**

_I'm being sincere!_

**I caught that**

_But I do have one question_

**Um, okay…**

_How do you notice all that about me?_

…

_Malfoy_?

…

_Draco?_

**What….**

_How do know see all of that in me?_

**Because…**

_Because why?_

**I….uh…**

_You can tell me, Draco_

**Hermione I- **

"They're at it again!" a Hufflepuff cried happily. Was it just Harry's imagination or did Snape perk up considerably at this. Before Draco or Hermione could do so much as protest, the paper was snatched out of Draco's hand, much to the delight of Snape.

"Passing notes in class again, are we Mr. Malfoy?" Snape squealed in almost uncontained glee. Neville Longbottom passed out at that unexpected noise. Pansy Parkinson crinkled her nose.

"I could have lived happily without hearing that squeal,"

Somewhere in the back of the room, Crabbe muttered something about constipation. Goyle conspicuously scooted a little farther away at this.

"Let's see what is so important this time, shall we?" Snape said, his eyes greedily ravishing the paper. The rest of the class cheered.

"De ja vu, anyone?" Draco mumbled. However, he was ignored.

"And we're back with Dramione-"

"Oh don't start this again," someone moaned.

"Read! Read!" the class chorused. Snape seemed all too happy to oblige.

"**Hey Granger** _Ugh, don't talk to me_ **Why** **not**? _Remember what happened last time?"_

"Ah, it is burned in our minds forever," was that Blaise Zabini with a dreamy look on his face?

"Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing…" a Hufflepuff pointed out, and Snape nodded in agreement.

"I've always been a sucker for romance," Snape twirled a greasy tendril of hair around his finger.

"Please don't tell me that was really just Snape who said that," Harry turned green.

"**You're still not mad about that, are you?** _Humph_,"

"Darling, that's no reason to push a boy away!"

"SHH!"

"**I take that as a yes. But you are very cute when you're mad**_**…**__Sod off…._**I don't think I will"**

"Prime boy right there," Neville muttered. Draco choked on his spit. He was sincerely starting to question Neville's sexuality.

"_Go away _**Again, you don't control me **_Whatever _**Oh, Granger's got some attitude,"**

"That's nothing new," someone muttered, earning a death glare from Hermione. There was a screech heard from the middle of the classroom.

"MY POPCORN! WE ATE IT ALL LAST CLASS!" the extreme dismay in the voice of the student could have brought Voldomort to tears.

"WAIT! I have goldfish!"

"Ah, peace is restored,"

"READ!"

"_Ugh, Malfoy _**Don't 'ugh' me**_ I can do whatever I want to do, or say. Freedom of Speech and all."_

"Well, technically, that's only written 'Freedom of Speech' under the United States Constitution…" the Ravenclaw trailed off when she saw Hermione's face.

"You want to get technical with me?" Hermione growled.

"I certainly do, babe!" someone who sounded suspiciously like Seamus Finnigan hooted.

"Guys! Be respectful in front of Draco and Hermione! Can't you see what you're doing to Draco when you talk about ravishing Hermione?" someone spoke up. All eyes in the classroom trained on Draco, who gave a little wave, looking slightly freaked out.

"It's not nice to say things like that when he likes her!"

"For the last time, there is nothing going on between Hermione and Malfoy!" Ron's face turned a brilliant red, and threatened to go purple with rage. Those near him scooted away a little.

"Uh…Goldfish?" the person with the goldfish back offered timidly.

"**Yeah, but you can't ugh me, I'm a Malfoy! **_You're a Malfoy my arse, Malfoy_** ….wow," **

"YOU ARSE! YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT ANY! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO KNOCKING THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN BACK OF GOLDFISH TO THE FLOOR!"

"_Wow what? _**Well, two things…**_And that would be?"_

"This could be a life changing moment!"

"_And that would be_**? Congratu-fucking-lations Granger, you know how to swear** _And_? **You contradicted yourself right there**,"

"He's right," Dean Thomas said, although his input was very unwanted.

"Of course he's right, you idiot. My Drakie is always right," Pansy sneered. Draco adjusted his collar awkwardly.

"_When_? **You said "You're a Malfoy my arse, Malfoy" see?** _Oh…I see_,"

"I don't get it…"

"Oh Merlin,"

"**Ha! So I'm right** _Sod off,"_

"Great come back, Granger," a Slytherin smirked at Hermione.

"**Don't tell me to sod off **_Ha! Oh yeah? Well SOD OFF_** I invented sod off, Granger," **

"Ohhh, did anyone else hear the suggestiveness in that comment?" Seamus Finnigan crowed. However, as he glanced around the room, he saw everyone staring at him.

"Ehm, er, Seamus…"

"To put it nicely…"

"No,"

"The sexual tension right now is killing me! It's suffocating!"

A vein in Ron's forehead twitched menacingly.

"_Ugh, just pay attention to the lesson,"_

"For Pete's sake, Granger, step out of line for once!" the Ravenclaw piped up again.

"For the last time, whose Pete?"

"Oh, she does more than step out of line," Neville said suggestively. Another awkward silence ensued. Someone cleared their throat.

"Read on!"

"**But it's boring,"**

"You'd think by now that 'ole Snape would take a hint," Harry muttered not as quietly as he had thought he did. He seriously thought that laser beams would shoot out of Snape's eyes and roast him on the spot then and there.

"_Ugh _**You find it intriguing, no?**_ Ughhhh _**Would you stop saying that? **_Ugh, shut up Malfoy," _

"Jeez, she's like talking to a parrot,"

"An attractive parrot," Blaise winked at Hermione.

"Again, we must respect Draco's feelings-"

"Oh bloody hell," Draco face palmed

"**Technically, I'm not talking, I'm writing **_Same difference really_** Uh, no, big difference actually **_Um, not really_** Uh, yeah really,"**

_UGHH!_

"There is a thin line between love and hate," a Hufflepuff said wisely.

"Look where that got me," Snape muttered.

"I'd rather not…"

"Shhh!"

"Read on!"

"**So your vocabulary is not as extended as I once thought. In fact, it is quite limited."**

"**Ow! What was that for?" **

"**Don't glare at me like that…." **

"He's probably feeling the stab of rejection,"

"Dean?" Harry asked, startled.

"**Ah, come on, Granger,"**

"Rejection comes down hard," Snape said sadly, shaking his head and reminiscing in God knows what kinds of memories.

"_Does it look like I want to talk to you right now?"_

"The ladies usually say that after a serious fucking round went down. I wanna know details," Theodore Nott said. Snape wiggled his eyebrows. Lavender Brown gagged.

"**Well, no, not really **_No shit Sherlock,"_

"Again, you stole my line," an angry voice piped up.

"**Remember your place Watson **_Ouch_** Granger…**_What do you want, Malfoy?" _

"**Well, a new broomstick would be nice," **

"And I suppose no one heard that in a vulgar way either," Neville said gloomily. Everyone shook their head except for Snape.

"Um, disturbing mental image!"

"**-and to not have to go to this class, but since that seems inevitable, I might just need some earplugs…**_Ughhh_

"**And I want to snog you senseless right now,"**

"Forbidden love!" Harry swooned again, and the Boy-Who-Lived hit the floor with a thud.

"You won't dare lay a finger on her, Malfoy," Ron growled.

"Just because you don't have any hope for a romance doesn't mean Hermione can't!" Harry said from the floor.

Ron gaped. "That was below the belt! You hear me? BELOW THE BELT!"

"Wait, did he just defend Malfoy?"

"My twitter page is blowing up!"

"Hell has already frozen over at this point, why do I even bother to get surprised?"

"Society is coming crashing down," Pansy Parkinson face palmed.

"Yet he has a point," Cho pointed out, referring back to Harry's comment. There were murmurs of agreement.

Neville sniggered. "Yeah, and below his belt is just another place that will go forever untouched, unless of course, he counts himself,"

Silence. It was so quiet that one could have heard a little droplet of grease drip from Snape's hair and onto the floor.

"Must. Keep. Reading! I NEED to know what happens next!" Snape gripped the paper so hard, the class feared it would rip down the middle.

"…..Well why didn't you say so?"

"Is it just me or does she sound a little too willing to go snog him?"

Someone snorted. "Is it just me or would everyone else jump on the chance to get a good snog from Draco Malfoy?"

"Mhmmm,"

"Yummy,"

"On with the story!"

"**I did **_I mean right away_** Impatient are we?"**

"I certainly would be," many agreed, including Neville. Harry, who had just climbed back into his chair, passed out again.

"…_.Yes _**I knew that you loved me"**

"I just don't get it. What does he have that I don't?" Ron pouted.

"Well. How about he's devilishly handsome, has his own trademark smirk that happens to be incredibly sexy, the bad boy reputation that is so dangerous yet so alluring, charming, great in bed, suave…" Neville trailed off when he noticed that Snape got this creepy glint in his eyes. And everyone staring at him probably didn't help.

"Neville, is there something you aren't telling us?" Padma Patil said gently.

"Won-won! You're not jealous of him are you?"

"Shut up, Lavender" Cho Chang hissed.

"Oh, you shut up, Cho, you're just trying to go after Ron to make Harry jealous!" Lavender screeched.

"Cat fight!" Blaise Zabini hooted.

"Shut up!"

"_Excuse me? _**You heard me**_ I thought you were the one who pointed out that we were writing, not speaking, so technically, I didn't hear you, I saw what you wrote on the parchment _**…Why do you have to be so literal?**_ I'm not literal" _

"You not literal?" Snape scoffed.

"**Yes you are **_Am not"_

"Hey, I thought you said you ran out of goldfish," Cho Chang said accusingly.

"…I keep two bags on me at all times…"

"**I think it's kind of cute **_..…well then in that case-"_

"Oh my god they're going to start snogging, aren't they?"

"I can't watch!"

"_How can I love you when I don't even know you? _**I know you**_How can you be so sure?_

**I'm sure,"**

"This is SO romantic! I think I just peed myself,"

Many people edged away.

"**Well then, Mr. Know it All, what do you know about me?"**

"She calls _him_ the Know it All…"

Suddenly Snape stopped reading.

"What is it?"

"Did something happen?"

"Don't tell me we need a permission slip to hear the rest," one groaned.

"Hermione, I swear if you were getting it on with this kid-"

"In the back of the classroom?" Hermione asked exasperatedly, bewildered.

"Notice how she only seemed surprised on the location, not the actual act itself…"

"Read! What are you waiting for you old bat?"

"I REQUIRE SILENCE IF I READ THIS TO YOU!" Snape shouted, causing the entire room to go dead silent in a millisecond.

"Oh good lord," Draco mumbled. Snape started to read, very carefully.

"**17. You have compassion for everyone around you,"**

The room remained silent.

"**16. You are selfless" **Draco's face began to heat.

"**15. You have integrity, 14. You are strong, 13. You think you're ugly, but in reality, all the guys are falling all over you," **

"I think it's safe to say that he's harboring a little crush," someone whispered almost inaudibly.

"SHHH!" loads of spit went flying at the poor kid, who ducked for cover under the table.

"**12. You always bite your lip whenever you're really focused on something," **

All the girls cooed. Draco sank lower in his seat.

"**11. When you laugh your eyes light up and you get that cute dimple on your left cheek," **

"Like I said before, that's a prime guy," Neville said. But no one was listening to him, they were captivated by Draco's writing.

"**10. You always seem to be understanding with me in the end even when I don't deserve it" **

"You never deserve it," a crap load of spit was sent flying towards Ron, who wasn't so lucky as to avoid it.

"**9. How you can make me laugh even though you just insulted me, 8. When you get angry you scrunch your eyebrows together,"**

"**6You are always 100% honest no matter what, 5. You can't stand to see people hurting, 4. The fact that you refuse to ever see the worst in anybody,"**

"He's making her look like a Saint," Lavender muttered, and she too dodged spit.

"**3. You were so busy thinking about what I just wrote that you didn't notice there wasn't a number seven on my list,"**

Snape frowned. His eyes went back up to the top of the page, then he resumed reading.

"**2. You just went back up to the top to check to see if there really wasn't a number 7,"**

"Awww!" everyone, including Snape, cooed.

"**1. Right about now, you're laughing at yourself," **

"…"

Every single girl in the classroom was reduced to tears. Even Snape had to wipe a salty tear that had shed.

"That was beautiful!"

"That was the sweetest thing I have ever heard!"

"Why don't you say that to me?" Pansy growled.

"I wonder how Hermione reacts after he said such a romantic thing to her!"

"She probably remained as clueless as a log,"

"Hey!"

"SHH!" everyone shushed her and ignored Hermione's protests.

"**Sorry, that was probably a bit overwhelming **_That was really sweet"_

"That wasn't sweet! That is just hinting that he is a stalker!" Ron screamed.

"Just because you have the emotional range of a piece of toilet paper I used to wipe my arse with doesn't mean that Draco does too!"

"…**..Er, thanks….**_No, really. _**You're welcome **_I'm being sincere!_** I caught that," **

"I just can't get over how perfect they are for each other,"

"This beats Twlight any day,"

"I'm so glad I opted to come here instead of watching Glee reruns,"

"_But I do have one question _**Um, okay…**_How do you notice all that about me?_**…**_ Malfoy?_**…"**

"WHAT? HERMIONE SINCE WHEN ARE YOU ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THE FERRET?"

"YOU CAN'T CALL HIM DRACO!"

Both Ron and Pansy had shouted at the same time. I'm sensing a side paring, no?

"_Draco? _**What….**_ How do know see all of that in me? _**Because…**_ Because why?" _

"As Draco prepares to admit his undying love for her, Hermione grips the edge of her seat, her heart racing, wondering if this was it, or maybe, if it was the start of something new-"

"SHUT UP!"

"This is getting suspenseful! Why do they keep on doing this to us?"

"**I….uh…**_You can tell me, Draco,"_

"AHH JUST GET IT OVER WITH!"

"**Hermione I-" **

Snape stopped abruptly. He stared down at the parchment, confused, turning it over and looking for more, but he didn't find any.

"This man has a death wish," someone said, deadly calm. The cracking of knuckles could be heard.

Once again Snape fled the classroom with an angry herd of students chasing after him, looking for blood.

Once they were alone, Hermione grabbed Draco's tie and pulled him closer to her so that they were only inches apart. "So, you were saying?" Hermione asked sweetly.

* * *

**I know that whenever an author does something like this, it's hard to get the 'charm' or whatever you want to call it, the second time as you do the first chapter. But I hope you enjoy, because I enjoyed writing this!**

**Review :) **

**(By the way, this is not Draco :D)**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**Draco in bold**, _Hermione is italics_

* * *

**Hey Granger**

_I'd say this is becoming a habit, no?_

**No**

_No?_

**No**

…_.._

_So, are you going to say something, or what?_

**Or what**

_Ugh, just answer the question_

**I thought we already went over this, Granger, you need to extend your limited vocabulary-**

_Shut up!_

**Oh, Granger's got mouth**

_Shut up right now or I'll-_

**Or you'll what? Set Weasley and Potter on me?**

_No, I'd actually want to do something effective_

**Ouch, some great friend you are**

_I didn't mean it like that_

_Oh stop looking at me like that_

_Okay, fine, I meant it like that_

…..

**Merlin, Granger, what are you eating? In the middle of class too**

…_It's chocolate…I missed lunch and-_

**Chocolate?**

_Yes. Its bittersweet-_

**I didn't ask for a bloody dictionary definition, Granger**

…_that wasn't a dictionary reference_

**If it's from the top of your head it very well is**

_What makes you say that?_

_Why are you looking at me like that?_

**Seriously?**

_Seriously what?_

**O.o**

_Care to explain?_

**You are a bookworm, Granger, all you do is cram knowledge into that brain of yours**

_That is not all I do_

**Uh, yeah it is**

_Uh, no it isn't_

**Yeah it is**

_No is isn't_

**Fine, I'll just get someone else's opinion**

_What? You can't do that, we're in the middle of class!_

_Malfoy-_

_What-_

_Not Neville!_

…..

…..

…

_Urghh_

**He said I was right**

_Traitor_

**Truth is fact in the face of honesty **

_Huh?_

**Nevermind…**

….

_Why are you such a prat?_

**Excuse me?**

_Why are you such a prat?_

**I understand the question, Granger, just not the motive**

_Do I need a motive to ask a fact?_

…**Why can't you just grow up?**

_Excuse me?!_

**When is the last time I have actually seriously made fun of you?**

…..

**Someday, when we all grow up and get married and have kids-**

_I'm not marrying you or bearing your children!_

**I never said that. Jumping the gun, are we?**

_I…oh…I just…_

**You what, Granger?**

_I-you-me….I don't know._

**You don't know what?**

_What to think_

**Jeez, Granger, I was just joking about the bearing my kids thing, I didn't mean for you to take that seriously-**

_That's not what I mean_

**What do you mean?**

_I mean that's not what I mean_

**What do you mean that's not what you mean?**

_You're making this hard to explain this_

**How?**

_You're acting stupid_

**How am I acting stupid?**

_See? Stop acting stupid!_

**I'm not acting!**

…_.._

**I didn't mean it like that. **

_Why are you looking at me like that?_

**You have some of that chocolate stuff on your face.**

_Really? Where?_

**On the corner of your mouth…**

_Oh…Did I get it?_

**No**

_Now?_

**No**

_Where the hell is it, Malfoy?_

**It's right there.**

_Can you get it?_

_Why are you turning red?_

**I uhh….**

_Malfoy, what are you-mhmm_

…

…

…_.._

…_._

_You know, I don't think you got all of it_

**Let me get that**

…

…_.._

…_.._

_Woah_

**Yeah**_…_

_You know when I said you could get it, I meant with your finger or something, I didn't mean with your tongue_

**But you didn't mind did you?**

…_._

_Not one bit ;)_

The bell sounded loudly, breaking both of the stunned students out of their daze. The Slytherin and Gryffindor's cheeks flushed happily as they gathered their books and headed out the door and parted ways to their next class. Ron eyed them, his face growing redder than his hair, while Harry fanned him to prevent his friend from blowing his top off.

Students from all years bustled about Hogwarts, pushing and shoving through the corridors. It wasn't uncommon for someone to cry out in pain as their foot was trampled on. However, the students of Snape's Potions were happy to be out of the dank dungeons; not getting to read Dramione notes meant that Snape had a full class to lecture. By the end of it, Harry's brain was fried, Cho Chang's eyes were popping out of her head from staring at Harry, Ron was snoring, Neville was whistling, and two student's lips were very swollen.

Throughout the entire class, Snape had been glancing over at his godson and Hermione, hoping to catch them in the act. But alas, he and the rest of his Potions class were full of raw disappointment. There had been no distractions today; Hermione and Draco had been especially careful with passing their notes.

However, they were not careful enough to remember to pick up their note passing sheet. It was left alone on their desk.

A cool draft of air travelled through the empty dungeons, knocking the note sheet off the desk. A ghostly hand reached out and grabbed it as it fluttered to the floor. Dark eyes scanned it, and a maniac-like grin broke out on the mischievous face of Peeves the Poltergeist.

He was going to have some fun.

* * *

Soooo, a bit of a different twist, eh? I assure you that everything will be revealed soon enough, and that there will be lots of chaos. A big thanks to **Kermit 304** for the inspiration of this chapter!

**I hope you liked, review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I had a rough week and I'm finding it hard to be humorous, so I'm sorry if this isn't as creative.**

** One of my stories, this one actually, was plagiarized. Even though I reported it the author reuploaded it again, no changes made. It just really disappoints me that someone would do that. We are all writers on here and we are all capable of coming up with our own great ideas, not stealing others and calling them our own. **

But I hope you like this chapter! I'm not really sure what I think of it yet, so it should be interesting :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

warnings: more language and sexual references then usual in this chapter

* * *

The Great Hall was bustling with conversation and the floating candles dazzled above. Hermione Granger sat amongst her fellow Gryffindors, _Hogwarts: A History_, spread out on her lap. She was barely engaged in the conversation happening around her as she eagerly read the words she had memorized by heart.

All was going well, until a ghostly figure drifted in through the door. Hermione rolled her eyes and turned back to her book after a brief glance. It was merely Peeves the Poltergeist, probably wanting to pour gravy on innocent students' heads. Little did she know that her life was about to be changed.

Peeves drifted a little closer, and Hermione spun around to tell him to bugger off. But hold on one second. What's that in his hand? It looks like a sheet of parchment with writing scrawled all over it…

"Hey Granger," Peeves cackled, drawing the Great Halls attention. Hermione's face went as white as the sheet. Now that she was closer she could make out Draco's perfect script and her own scratchy scrawl…

"Oh dear god," Draco cried out. Several people looked around in confusion, what was going on to cause the Slytherin Prince such distress? A Ravenclaw stood and gave an ominous cheer. "And we're back with Dramione-"

"YES!" Snape shouted, standing from his seat at knocking over the staff table in his excitement. In the process, poor Professor Flitwick was caught in the wave of food, and he too was knocked to the ground and crushed under the heavy oak.

"Filius!" Madame Pomfrey shrieked, rushing over with her cap flying off behind her.

Peeves was soaking up the attention. "Look-ey at what I found here," he grinned widely, waving the parchment in Draco's face. Neville passed out, and Snape was hopping up in down in glee.

"Severus! What is the meaning of this?" McGonagall tried to calm the bouncing Potions Professor. Madame Pomfrey was trying to find Flitwick in the array of food on the ground, the rest of the hall mumbling in confusion, and two petrified students stood frozen.

"Oh no," Hermione whimpered as her Gryffindor courage was drained from her in an instant.

"I KNEW they were passing notes today!" someone from her potions class yelled.

"Snape! You old bat, why didn't you notice them!" Terry Boot hollered, quickly shrinking away when Snape swept his robes about himself in a threatening manner.

"I was starved of a good Dramione fix all day! I had to resort to…other measures," the kid sitting next to the person talking scooted away.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! READ!"

"READ! READ! READ! READ!" chanted the Potions class.

"What's going on here?" Ginny Weasley spoke up.

"Don't you dare," Hermione hissed, but the red head barely spared her a glance. Lavender cleared her throat delicately and gave a not so subtle cough as she stood up to address the Great Hall.

"Well you see, three Potions classes ago, everything was going as normal. Grease dripped from Snape's hair, students were bored to sleep, you know, the usual," everyone murmured in agreement. "So, imagine our surprise when, oh! Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy are found passing love notes during class!"

"OOH!" the Great Hall cried. Hagrid's was the loudest.

"They were _not_ love notes," Draco spat out darkly. Everyone ignored him. As usual.

"As a form of punishment and entertainment, Professor Snape read their notes aloud to the class in place of detention. What we found was a flirting Draco and a desperate Hermione Granger as she flung herself at Draco's gorgeous bod-"

"Desperate? 'Flung'? Gorgeous bod?!" Hermione cried in disbelief. Draco threw her a wink.

"I knew you thought I was handsome," his trademark smirk crept up his lips and made the female population, including Neville, sigh. "I mean, really, look at me," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Trust me, we are," Padma Patil drooled and Draco struck a Prince Charming pose.

"As I was saying," Lavender gathered herself as quickly as possible after seeing Draco in such a majestic state. "As we continued on with the notes we found multiple innuendos, the beauty's attempts to charm the beast-"

"Was that a compliment?" Hermione felt happiness flood her-

"I was talking about Draco, obviously," Lavender injected. Hermione glared at her.

"I am not a beast-"

"Look at that hair of yours," the blonde flicked her own glossy mane over her shoulder. "Now before I was interrupted by said beast," Lavender shot Hermione a scowl, who matched it evenly, "Anywho, Draco attempted to kiss Hermione-"

"AHH!" the Great Hall's occupants chorused.

"And it was ruined by Snape-"

Loads of food was chucked at Snape's face.

"But next class we found them again-"

"Whoopee!" that was Neville. Several people scooted away from him as he hardly contained his excitement, in his spirit and in his pants.

"And Draco basically confessed his love for her-"

"AWWW!" the attention in the Great Hall was directed towards Draco, who waved nervously while a pink blush crept up his cheeks.

"No! Stupid Granger! Draco belongs to the members of the 'Draco Malfoy Fan Club'! He's rightfully ours!" a Slytherin girl shrieked. Draco shuffled away from her.

"Get on with it, Lavender, I want to hear this round," Seamus Finnigan shouted in his heavy accent. Lavender shot him a dirty look (she was quite good at it) and decided to summarize quickly.

"So basically we caught them again and Draco and Hermione are meant to be- shut up Parkinson, you look like shit when you cry- and here is a new round of notes!"

Draco and Hermione exchanged looks of horror. Reading their notes in a classroom with a few students was bad, but in front of the entire Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? That was something else. The enlightened students all began to chant "READ READ READ READ!"

The teachers even leaned in intently as Peeves opened his mouth. Hermione and Draco cringed as the first words flowed out in a mocking voice.

"**Hey Granger**," (this was said in husky voice that made almost everyone gag, Draco went a shade of green) "_I'd say this is becoming a habit, no?"_

"Habit? I didn't know the two even talked until now," commented Ginny.

"Long story," Snape twirled a greasy tendril around his finger as he gazed off into the distance dreamily.

Draco choked on his spit.

"**No** _No?_ **No,"**

"For pete's sake, Granger, must you always ask-"

"FOR THE LAST BLOODY TIME TELL ME WHO PETE IS OR I SWEAR-!"

"Duh, figure of speech,"

"WHO'S FIGURE OF SPEECH?!"

"Sweet merlin, it's a lost cause,"

"SHHH! I want to hear this!" Vincent Crabbe made the first coherent sentence in his life. The sound of a hundred jaws hitting the floor sounded around the Great Hall.

"It's a miracle!" Blaise Zabini cried out, holding his hands up to the ceiling.

Peeves continued, and Hermione cast a startled glance at Snape as he pranced around the over turned staff table._ "So, are you going to say something, or what?_ **Or what** _Ugh, just answer the question_ **I thought we already went over this, Granger, you need to extend your limited vocabulary-"**

"It's true! He's told her multiple times! Don't worry Draco, as president of your fan club, I've got your back!"

"Ouch!" Draco rubbed his back (she had meant literally, apparently) while casting a dirty look in the crazed fan girl's direction. She read that action as if he had just gotten down on one knee. A squeal of delight pierced the air, threatening to burst Draco's eardrums.

"Read on!" Dean Thomas put on foot on the table and looked off into the distance, holding an imaginary sword and shading his eyes majestically from the sunlight that wasn't there.

Peeves obliged happily._ "Shut up!_ **Oh, Granger's got mouth,"**

"I'll bet you that tossing naughty words isn't the only thing she's uses it for," Hagrid roared suggestively. McGonagall passed out promptly

"_Shut up right now or I'll-_ "

"DON'T YOU DARE THREATEN MY DRAKIE-POO!" screamed Parkinson, her pug-like face scrunched like no one had ever seen before.

"My eyes!" Terry Boot rolled on the floor.

"**Or you'll what? Set Weasley and Potter on me?** _No, I'd actually want to do something effective,"_

Harry started sobbing in the corner.

"Don't take it personally, Harry," Ginny tried to soothe him. "You're just not that intimidating, you're so…"

"Skinny," Ron supplied. Ginny considered this.

"Yeah, skinny!"

"No I'm not," the raven haired boy sniffed.

Ron said bluntly, "You could be broken in half with Neville's thumb,"

"Why _my_ thumb?"

"I am NOT skinny," Harry crossed his arms against his chest defiantly.

"Uh, mate, yes you are,"

"I AM NOT,

"You're twig like," Ginny peeped, trying to help. Too bad it didn't work.

"Yes you are,"

The two boys argued back in forth, and multiple people groaned in frustration. "No I'm not,"

"Hermione, settle this," Ron threw his hands up in the air with an exasperated look on his freckly face.

"I'm not answering your self-confidence questions," she stated, her eyes flitting over to Draco, who caught her gaze. She tore her eyes away, blushing madly. A serious of coos emitted from the crowd. Snape's was the most prominent.

Ron got down on his knees. "Please? We'll answer yours!"

Hermione's eyes narrowed into slits. "Who said I have any?"

"_Uh oh_,"

"Quick, someone carry on reading before this gets nasty," Theodore Nott said, ushering the person.

"Give it here," Padma Patil said, moving her finger in a 'come hither' motion. She took off reading, in a rather dramatic voice might I add, the sort of voice that might be used in the 'Romeo and Juliet' scene where they commit suicide.

"**Ouch, some great friend you are** _I didn't mean it like that"_

"Yes you did," Terry Boot muttered, earning him a death glare from Hermione.

"SHHH!" a crap load of spit flew in his direction. Poor soul didn't duck out of the way in time either.

"_Oh stop looking at me like that,"_

"Ohhh," Neville shifted in his seat as he shuttered. "Did anyone else hear that in a vulgar way?" he was met by an uncomfortable silence. Is that Snape nodding?

Anyways…

"Do you think I should have self-confidence issues, Ronald?" Hermione said, deadly calm. Ron's eyes widened and many people backed away from her as her hair practically crackled with electricity.

"I find its best to run during situations like this, Weasley," Draco advised from the side.

Harry gave another wail. "I'm not skinny!"

"SHUT UP! THIS IS THE BEST MY SEXUALLY STARVED EARS HAVE HEARD IN A LONG TIME!" Professor Sprout demanded, slamming her hands down on the fork that had fallen onto her lap when Snape over turned the table. The fork went sailing through the air and buried itself within the depths of Dumbledore's beard.

"My beard!"

"_Okay, fine, I meant it like that_…..**Merlin, Granger, what are you eating? In the middle of class too**…_It's chocolate…I missed lunch and-"_

"Where they off snogging again?"

"NO THEY WEREN'T!"

"Mr. Weasley, you're in denial," informed Dumbledore gently.

"DRAKIEEEE!"

"Has anyone ever considered that Ron and Pansy would make a great side pairing…?"

"SHHH!"

"**Chocolate?** _Yes. Its bittersweet-"_

"Oh bloody hell here she goes," someone groaned.

"So, something really has been going on between Granger and Malfoy?" a smirk could be heard in the unknown voice. Hermione and Draco opened their mouth to protest to the person they couldn't spot in the crowd.

"Nope. They're just civil," came a clipped answer.

"Says you, Ron" an eye roll was practically heard.

The tips of Ron's ears turned red. "They are!" we all know that he was assuring himself.

"Yeah, Hermione," someone else remembered. "I've been meaning to ask you about you and Draco ever since I found you too in that broom closet!"

"Broom closet?" Ron said weakly.

The boy chuckled. "Yeah, that's one physical connection you got going there," sultry wink "You had me hot and bothered,"

"Hot and bothered," repeated Ron as he melted into a puddle on the floor.

"I think he's beginning to come to terms with himself," Cho Chang stage whispered.

"This just got awkward…" Draco noted everyone staring at him, he swallowed nervously.

"**I didn't ask for a bloody dictionary definition, Granger** …_that wasn't a dictionary reference_ **If it's from the top of your head it very well is** _What makes you say that?"_

"Gee, well I wonder why," said McGonagall sarcastically. Hermione face clearly showed betrayal as she gazed up at her Head of House.

"Tears glistened in her doe eyes as Draco rushed over to comfort the love of his life-"

"STOP NARRATING THIS!" Draco shouted as he slunk away from Hermione. Curious, no? A sniff was heard.

"READ!"

"_Why are you looking at me like that?_ **Seriously? **_Seriously what?-_"

"Why'd you stop?!" cried Daphne Greengrass. Padma stared at the page and scrunched her eyebrows.

"What does 'O.o' mean?"

"Read on slave!"

"Okay okay!"

"_Care to explain?_ **You are a bookworm, Granger, all you do is cram knowledge into that brain of yours,"**

"It's true," Harry traced patterns on the floor with his finger as he sat dejectedly, away from Hermione.

"_That is not all I do_ **Uh, yeah it is,"**

"OH NO! I DON'T HAVE SERVICE! I CAN'T GET INTO MY TWITTER ACCOUNT!"

"_Uh, no it isn't_ **Yeah it is** _No is isn't,"_

"Cho, stop staring at Harry, he's mine," Ginny hissed evilly, gripping onto Harry and dragging him closer to her. Cho gave a hiss of her own and glared at the red head.

"CAT FIGHT!" Theodore Nott screamed. When no one moved he looked around. "What?" he asked, hands on his hips.

"**Fine, I'll just get someone else's opinion** _What? You can't do that, we're in the middle of class!_ _Malfoy-_

"Look at the nargles," Luna Lovegood commented dreamily as she stared up at the ceiling.

"_What-_ _Not Neville! Urghh,"_

"**He said I was right **_Traitor,"_

Hermione gritted her teeth. "You traitor, Neville," he gulped and backed away nervously.

"I'm sorry! He was just too attractive to resist!"

Draco's throat constricted and he barely saved himself from convulsing in spasms on the floor. He was seriously starting to become weary of Longbottom…

"On with the story!"

"**Truth is fact in the face of honesty-" **

"Don't worry, Granger. Guys never make much sense when they are trying to speak to their beloved. Their minds get all jumbled because they become overwhelmed," Blaise Zabini told Hermione.

'It's true. Us men are very specific creatures who-" Snape began,

"Ew ew ew ew…." Lavender covered her ears.

"_Huh?_ **Nevermind…**_Why are you such a prat?"_

"Oh, the sexual tension!"

"Dean?!" Harry cried, startled.

"**Excuse me? **_Why are you such a prat?"_

"Guess what?" a voice sang. "I found some more goldfish!"

"YOOPEEE!"

"Wasn't that the package that Neville sat on?" someone questioned, shrinking away from the goldfish.

"It might be…" the voice confessed.

"Ew, I'm not eating out of that," Lavender's nose crinkled in disgust. She looked miraculously like Pansy Parkinson.

"What's wrong with my butt?" Neville questioned.

"Erm…"

"**I understand the question, Granger, just not the motive** _Do I need a motive to ask a fact?_…**Why can't you just grow up?"**

"Oh, she has, Draco. That little lioness body just waiting to pounce through the whole night," Blaise gave Hermione his most charming smile. Hermione gave him her middle finger.

"_Excuse me?!_ **When is the last time I have actually seriously made fun of you?"**

"I think I just peed myself, this is so adorable," a Hufflepuff cooed.

Many people scooted away.

"**Someday, when we all grow up and get married and have kids-"**

"You have no idea how fast the time flies," Snape shook his head, his thoughts again someplace no one wanted to even spare a thought on.

"_I'm not marrying you or bearing your children!"_

"Of course she's not! His children are coming from this uterus!"

"Ummm…." Draco scratched the back of his neck while Astoria blew him a kiss. He leaped out of the way to avoid interception.

"Everyone, for the last time! We MUST be respectful towards Draco and his feelings for Hermione-"

"Bloody fucking hell," Draco face palmed.

"Don't get any ideas, Greengrass, he's mine," Pansy growled darkly, advancing on Astoria.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure he and Hermione belong together…" there were many muttered agreements.

"Oh yes, I can see it now," Trelawney said spookily. "A dark bedroom lit by only candles, blood red rose petals scattered on a king size bed dressed in black silk. Skin slapping against skin, searing kisses and excessive, slow love making, dragging on for hours into the late night-"

"Oh my god, are you masturbating to that?!" Theodore Nott yelped, scooting as far away from Goyle as possible.

Hermione considered Trelawney's words for a moment. "So maybe she doesn't spout as much rubbish as I thought,"

Draco threw her a sultry wink that caused the female population and Neville to swoon.

"Damn, why did I stop going to that class again?" Seamus asked, eyebrows raised. "Now, if she made 'sightings' like that more often, she'd have a lot more people in that classroom…"

"**I never said that. Jumping the gun, are we?"**

"What did he mean by 'gun' exactly?" Neville asked suggestively. Crickets chirped and the munching of goldfish were the only sounds.

McGonagall sniffed. "It was figurative,"

"Oh, so none of…this?" Neville asked, gesturing to his hips as they gyrated. Pavarti Patil fell to the ground unconscious. McGonagall's eyes widened and a blush rose to her crinkly cheeks.

"Never do that again," Harry paled.

"Carry on with the reading," someone poked Padma in the side.

"_I…oh…I just…_ **You what, Granger?** _I-you-me….I don't know,"_

"Malfoy and Granger, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!-" Peeves hollered from above. Padma blatantly ignored him as she plowed on, her eyes resembling Snape's as they got greedier by the second.

"**You don't know what? **_What to think"_

"SO glad I decided to come instead of watching Vampire Diaries. This is the real stuff right here, my bitches,"

"How? None of them are vampire like,"

"Draco is, he's all pale and gorgeous and I bet you he sparkles in the sun,"

"Like that Hufflepuff who died!"

"Mhmm," were hummed agreements while Draco sat in the center of the room looking slightly freaked.

"Shh!"

"**Jeez, Granger, I was just joking about the bearing my kids thing, I didn't mean for you to take that seriously-"**

A vein in Ron's forehead twitched menacingly.

"_That's not what I mean_ **What do you mean?"**

"Forbidden love," sighed Susan Bones, and Snape nodded in agreement with the same dreamy look on his face.

"_I mean that's not what I mean_ **What do you mean that's not what you mean? **_You're making this hard to explain this,"_

Crabbe muttered something about constipation again, and Goyle commented that he needed to get a rectal exam.

"**How?"**

"Come on, Flitwick, breath for me!" cried Pomfrey as she cradled the small charms professor in her arms.

"Just let him chill for a bit," advised Dumbledore. "He'll come around," he ignored the Medi-Witches cry of dismay.

"_You're acting stupid_ **How am I acting stupid? **_See? Stop acting stupid!_ **I'm not acting!"**

"HAHA! I get it!"

"No shit, Sherlock,"

"Again. You stole my line. Again,"

"**I didn't mean it like that. ** _Why are you looking at me like that?"_

"Because he can't take his eyes off of you," Seamus winked at Hermione.

"I'M SORRY FOR STEALING YOUR LINE! Here, take some goldfish as a peace offering!"

"**You have some of that chocolate stuff on your face.** _Really? Where?"_

"EVERYONE HERE IS A COMPLETE ARSE! YOU KNOW, YOU COULD KINDLY REJECT THE GOLDFISH AND PUT THEM BACK IN THE BAG, BUT NO, YOU HAVE TO THROW THEM ALL OVER THE BLOODY FLOOR! THEY HAVE FAMILY TOO, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT, HUH?"

A tsnumai of spit flew at the kid and drowned him. "SHH!"

"Read on!"

"**On the corner of your mouth…"**

"Uh oh…"

"_Oh…Did I get it?_ **No** _Now?_ **No **_Where the hell is it, Malfoy?"_

"I'm starting to wonder if it's even there?"

"I'm sensing that this is leading to something sexual,"

"Shut up and listen to the story!"

"This isn't a bloody soap opera," Draco moaned, another step closer to melting in humiliation.

"**It's right there.** _Can you get it?_ _Why are you turning red?_ **I uhh….**_Malfoy, what are you-mhmm"_

"Oh my god. A long period of extended silence. This can only mean one thing…"

"That they were getting it on in the back of the classroom AGAIN!"

"NOOOOO!" a girl shrieked.

"That actually wasn't what I was going to say…"

"In the back of the classroom?!" Hermione once again cried in disbelief.

"Again, we note that she is only shocked by the location and not the sexual deed itself…"

"Thoughts to ponder…hmmm…"

"GRANGER, YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM DRACO!"

Draco frowned in confusion, never having seen the girl speaking, well, screaming, before in his life. "Um, who are you?"

"I'M PART OF THE 'Draco Malfoy fan club'!"

"SHUSH, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO DRACO LIKE THAT!" another girl screamed, pushing the other to the ground. "SORRY DRACO, SHE'S NEW TO THE CLUB, YOU SEE,"

"PASS ME THE PAPER! I CANNOT BEAR TO BE SEPERATED FROM IT ANY LONGER!" Snape swept like a bat-

"No duh,"

-over to where Padma was standing and snatched the note sheet out of her hands. He sighed in relief as his greedy eyes scanned the page. Taking a deep breath, he continued on for her, ignoring the Ravenclaw's protests.

"_You know, I don't think you got all of it_ **Let me get that"**

"I really wish Snape didn't have to read this part," Harry plugged his ears to avoid Snape's use of a 'bedroom' voice.

"It's boiling in here!"

"It's impossibly tragic yet romantic at the same time!" Harry swooned on his feet.

Theo began dragging the unconscious students into a pile in the middle of the room.

"I think Draco should model for Calvin Klein…"

Harry snapped back to attention. "Professor Dumbledore?!"

"THIS IS CRAZY!"

"Kill me, Hermione, and I swear I'll take you down with me," Draco moaned, his face flushed red.

"Mind blown, dude, seriously,"

"This extended silence is killing me!"

"I wonder what base he got to…"

"Draco ran his hands through Hermione's unruly hair as her own fingers teased his muscular sides, coming to rest on his slim hips-"

"WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT NARRATING?!"

"Dayyyymmmmm that was hot, keep right on narrating sweet heart,"

"KEEP READING! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!"

Snape quickly did as told, his hands gripping the page so hard that the Great Hall worried he would rip the paper_. "Woah,"_

"That's all he managed?"

"Are you guys using protection?"

"Must have been good shit,"

"**Yeah**_…You know when I said you could get it, I meant with your finger or something, I didn't mean with your tongue"_

"Is she seriously complaining right now? That's Draco friggin Malfoy licking her senseless right there!"

"**But you didn't mind did you?"**

"AHHHH! MY EARS! THEIR BLEEDING!'

"Oh god, my asthma! I can't handle this. Help! Help! I'm suffocating!"

"Who ate all my goldfish?!"

"FINISH, MERLIN'S SAGGY LEFT BUTT CHEEK, YOU OLD BAT, FINISH, I COMMAND YOU!"

"_Not one bit ;)"_

…

"I don't think Snape did either, he's looking quite happy right now,"

Neville wiggled his eyebrows. "And for good reason,"

"I never want to see Snape wink again," Harry said, paralyzed in disgust and shock.

"Ugh!" a turkey was thrown to the ground. Everyone whirled around to see Padma shaking in rage. "They need to kiss. Right. Now," she seethed, causing the Slytherins Prince and Gryffindors Princess to gasp.

"Umm, I don't think that's a good idea," Hermione said in a small voice.

"Yeah," Draco agreed. "Weasley and Potter over there would castrate me. And I'd like my body full and functioning if you know what I mean,"

Hermione's face heated at his words and she ducked her head to avoid being caught.

"It doesn't matter! KISS!" someone screamed.

"It bloody does very well matter! These are my balls we're talking about!"

Neville licked his lips.

The Great Hall didn't seem to take the two students thoughts into consideration, however. Everyone got up, save Pomfrey, who was performing CPR on Flitwick, and Pansy and Ron; they all began crowding closer and closer around Hermione and Draco, forcing them together.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" they chanted as they pushed them forward. Pansy and Ron clawed at the crowd, but it was no use. They were too strong a force. "Watch it, that's my beard!" "Eep! Hagrid just stepped on my foot!" "My asthma! My airways are constricting!" "I'm constipated" "AHH!" "KISS! KISS!" "NOOO!"

Hermione and Draco neared closer and closer to each other, their lips looming closer with every shove. There was no way out. They would be forced to kiss in front of the entire school or face death. "Death is looking pretty good right now," Draco whimpered. There were only inches separating the two when…

"SPIDER!" Draco screamed out like he had just witnessed a bloody murder.

Screams broke the evening as everyone began rushing around in a panic. "AHHH! It's on your back!" "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" "NOT INTO MY GOLDFISH YOU PRICK!" "My beard!" "Flitwick! Stay with me!" "OUCH! HAGRID STEPPED ON MY FOOT AGAIN!" "HELP! I CAN'T BREATH! MY ASTHMA-" the sound of a body thudding to the floor followed. "Hey, look, Seamus. That kids all purple!"

Everything was in a jumble. Using the opportunity wisely, Hermione and Draco made their escape from the Great Hall as Peeves continued to cackle from above. They quickly shut the heavy doors and sealed themselves from the chaos.

Breathing hard, the two doubled over. "That was a close one-" Hermione huffed out.

"Yeah-"

"Hardly made it out alive-" Draco grunted in agreement, unable to form words. After a few more moments of catching their breath, Hermione turned her eyes onto the blonde before her.

"There really was no spider, was there?" she asked him. His trademark smirk that she was growing to love slipped up his cheek.

"Of course not."

* * *

**So, this will be coming to a close very soon. I assure you that all "Dramione fix's" will be satisfied (I hope) ;) Anyways, thanks for reading this chapter, and make sure to review! **


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